Man proposes, God disposes

"For the resolutions of the just depend rather on the grace of God than on their own wisdom; and in Him they always put their trust, whatever they take in hand.
For man proposes, but God disposes; neither is the way of man in his own hands" (Thomas A Kempis).

It has been almost two months since I have been in Hong Kong. During that week, (I believe it was a Wednesday), I got to talk to Pastor Billy of CBIBC. It was a short conversation, but I still remember it. He asked me what I was doing, if I was in school, what my job was, etc. I told him about what's been going on, and I finally just admitted to him, "You know, I had all these plans lined out for me. I didn't think it would be any problem to get a job, I thought everything would be set and I would just keep on going with my life. I don't know whether it's the job market where I am at or if I didn't try hard enough, I just know that it seems like all my plans have fallen through." Pastor Billy said to me, "You know, it's just like the saying, 'Man proposes, God disposes.' Our way and God's way to don't always line up. What you need to do now is keep your eyes open and look for any open doors or opportunities that come your way. God has a plan in all of this."

This isn't going to be one of those posts where I complain about how things are or what I am feeling at the moment. I wanted to share with you what God has been doing in my life since all this stuff has been happening. This is not the way I would envision it to happen, but I can see the good things that have come from it. I wanted to share with you a couple of things that have happened to me since all this has happened.

Work

I have been blessed the past several years to be working at a place that gives me flexible hours, good pay, with really great people. I was still employed when I was looking for a job. The boss even gave me a recommendation and helped fill out some forms for me. When I did not get a job, I was still able to keep this one. Through this job I have still had something to do, I helped pay off my mission trip, I still have some extra cash to do other things, and I have been able to give more to the church then before. I know that some people don't even have employment now that were looking for jobs as I was. I realize what a blessing it is to have one.

Relationships

When you graduate from college and stop going to the events and studies and activities that you did when you were in college, you tend to lose contact with several people and friends. That's when you kind of figure out who your really good friends are. I may not be in contact with as many people as I used to, but I can point out people that I consider good friends. That is not to say that I don't enjoy the company of those I haven't seen in a while. But me be gone has caused some friendships to deepen. Time with my family has been good too. With all my mom's traveling and things with my dad, it has been kind of difficult and I can see that I'm not just another person in the house :-) It was rough me having to answer to my parents about lack of interviews, what my plans were now, and things like that, but it has gotten better. I can see the growth that has happened since then.

Ministries:

1) I figured if I couldn't teach kids at school, I could certainly do it at church! I signed up to be a teacher in the Children's ministry. I still feel kind of new to the whole thing, but it reminds me a lot of teaching in school - only better. We get to talk to them about God, faith, and pray together. More than anything, this ministry has taught me humility along with serving with a happy heart. It reminded me that it doesn't matter what your position is as long as you are doing what God has called you to do.

2) It has been a very different year for Lifegroup ministries. I have had some of these guys for 4-5 years but every year it seems to me that I have a different group. This year seems to be a little bit of a challenge. I feel comfortable teaching them, being honest with them, and I think that they all want to grow in their faith. Yet I am just encountering so much resistance this year from them, from myself, and from everywhere. I think that God can and will do big things in this group this year, but it all depends on where our motives are. This year has been teaching me that Phillip and I really need to be on guard and making sure we are growing spiritually and held accountable to God, each other, and our group. Then we need to make sure that we are setting a good example for all of our guys. We also need to be teaching in such a way that we are no longer spoon-feeding them anymore, but challenging them. This is a time when they need to make their faith their own, and that is where I see a lot of the resistance coming into play. I see this year heading into a big lesson on accountability.

My own Faith

God still worked through me from May-August, but this was a very difficult time for me. Other than Summer Camp and the Mission Trip (plus two times directing traffic), I wasn't really serving. I wasn't part of a Bible Study. I didn't want to talk to anybody about what was going on because I felt I was being punished and that I was a total failure. I thought that's how most people saw me, even if they didn't admit it. Yet over time, I started to realize a couple of things. I wrestled with what was the most important thing in life. Was I living life for me or for God? How did I view success? How am I using what happened to me for God's Glory? What was he trying to tell me? Do I care more about how people see me, or how God sees me? What do I do now? Through all of these questions I realized that first and foremost, I needed to focus on what was really important. My faith. I started doing a devotional again. I went to church, prayed more, poured myself into ministry, and even put some stepping stones into place to help me overcome some of my problems. Once I started to do that, I found contentment with where I was at.

There are still several bumps, but I am still keeping my eyes open for those open doors. I do know what is important though. That's what really matters.